Shinrai
by Tsukasa Kizuna
Summary: Kakashi trying to get closer to Iruka, who he has come to realise is probably more alone and afraid of getting hurt than the chuunin wants to admit. I'm sure I'll be nice and get them together soon! Rating may change.
1. Shinrai: Prologue

Just a little something. The chapters will be kept short, for now at least. I'll update again tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after.

This is the prologue.

I do not own the characters in this fanfic - just the storyline.

NB: shinrai [信頼] - reliance; trust; faith; confidence

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><p><strong>Shinrai: Prologue<strong>

Iruka trusted. That was easy enough to see and understand. He trusted his village, his trusted his comrades, he trusted his students (okay, maybe not with sharp, pointy things, but he trusted _in_ them to become strong, respectable ninja who would make his village proud). He respected others, and was respected in return. He enjoyed the ties that held him to the village – the invisible, intricate web of respect, trust and understanding that tied them all together as one and united them. It was what kept the village together, and what made this place feel like home.

Yet as much as Iruka would trust these people with his life, he wouldn't trust them with _himself_. It was a different kind of trust, and one that he was more terrified to try than he should be. He was becoming painfully aware of this fact as people around him paired up, settled down and started families. Even getting close to friends was something he was wary of. It was completely different to any kind of relationship shared on a mission, or with the community as a whole. It singled him out as an individual and left him open to direct emotional attack.

Although, when he thought about it, Iruka guessed he was okay with the way things were. He had his place in the village, and was as much a part of the pride and future of Konoha as the elite jounin and the smallest, snottiest pre-genin. He was engrained in the woodwork – another fragment making up a greater whole. He belonged, and that was all that mattered.


	2. Chapter One: Kanbou

In response to those who have subscribed and added this as a favourite (already!), I'm gonna let this chapter lose. Technically it's the next day, as it's well after midnight here (I'm also itching to get it published). Hope you guys enjoy!

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I do not own the characters in this fanfic - just the storyline.

NB: shinrai [信頼] - reliance; trust; faith; confidence  
>kanbou [観望] - observation; watching<p>

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><p><strong>Chapter One: Kanbou<strong>

Kakashi couldn't decide if Iruka was a social man. On one hand, he always seemed to be surrounded by people, and always seemed to have something polite or useful (or reprimanding) to say. He was courteous and fair, and the white-haired man knew he'd be hard-pressed to find anyone in Konoha who didn't know of or like the chuunin. Iruka spent a lot of his time working, either at the academy or the mission room, and frequently met with friends outside of working hours.

Yet observing him closely, Kakashi realised that friendships didn't seem to run very deep. In conversations he focused on others, listening to their stories and problems and offering whatever support they needed, be it a comforting shoulder to cry in on Kurenai's case, words of advice to one of his fellow academy teachers, or joining in and encouraging the rant as he had done with Raidou. He seemed to be able to understand and relate to others on an impressive scale – yet he never sought anything in return. Not once in the years Kakashi had known him had he heard Iruka confide in anyone other than Sandaime and the traitor Mizuki.

From what little Kakashi had observed of his home life, he knew Iruka lived alone. While friends would visit him fairly regularly, for the most part the man was alone working on grading papers, doing menial household chores or simply relaxing. The one person who seemed closest to him was Naruto – and even that relationship was one-sided, with Iruka listening, chastening, encouraging and doting upon the youngster. He supposed it made sense – Iruka was Naruto's sensei, after all, but their bond seemed closer to that of brothers.

_fjfjfjfjfjfjfj_

He wondered as to the reasons for Iruka's reluctance to engage with others on a personal level. He knew the man has lost his parents in the Kyuubi attack. Maybe that would account for his hesitance to get close to people. Kakashi knew all too well the suffering and scars that came with the loss of a loved one. However, it seemed he held no resentment over the matter, if his closeness to Naruto was any indicator. The jounin supposed Iruka was just afraid to get hurt again.

He didn't know how close Iruka had been to Mizuki – he suspected pretty close – but the chuunin never spoke of the man. After the incident, Iruka was carefully polite and composed, avoiding any questions about Mizuki that arose. His disappearance was a mystery to many – only a handful really knew what had happened. When the topic had come up in the bar one evening, Kakashi remembered quite clearly Asuma's frown and his declaration that he never did like or trust that man. It seemed that a lot of people didn't exactly like or trust Mizuki, especially towards the end. Apart from Iruka. He had stood up for the man, stood by him and supported him. It reconfirmed what Kakashi had decided after considering the loss of Iruka's parents – he was afraid to get hurt. He had obviously trusted in Mizuki and believed in him, and that had been thrown in his face.

It had taken Kakashi a while to work out why all this was bothering him, and why he had taken such an interest in understanding Iruka. The answer was obvious now – he was interested in the man. While they knew each other by name, had conversations regarding Naruto, missions and other trivial matters, and had been out with the same crowd drinking on a few occasions, Kakashi was still little more than an acquaintance.

He wasn't quite sure how to change that, but he had to at least try.


	3. Chapter Two: Ippo

Yay! Another update! A short one though...

I do not own the characters in this fanfic - just the storyline.

NB: shinrai [信頼] - reliance; trust; faith; confidence  
>ippo [一歩] - (a) step  small degree; small amount

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: Ippo<strong>

Kakashi had thought long and hard about what he was going to do – and still wasn't quite sure. Ibiki was a much better psychologist than him – although his specialty was more in undoing minds, rather than understanding them. He hoped the course of action he'd decided on would be a suitable one. He swung his legs idly, turning a page of his infamous novel, and waited to see what Iruka's reaction would be.

A few minutes later than Kakashi estimated, Iruka returned home. He was carrying a bundle of papers in one hand, his other pushing back the few strands that had fallen lose from his ponytail. As he made to enter his flat, the chuunin paused, noticing the brown package resting against his door. After a few seconds, he picked it up, then proceeded to unlock the chakra that bound his door, the brown package resting atop the pile of paper. Moments later, he was visible again in his kitchen window, putting on the kettle and turning his attention to the package that he now held in his hand – papers dumped elsewhere. After inspecting it some more, the brown-haired chuunin obviously decided it was safe enough to open, and pulled off the wrapping.

Kakashi had chosen it partly for the box. It was a simple design of dark brown with red and orange each flowing in a single line that wove around the other on one side. Iruka ran his finger over it, frowning. He inspected the box closer, and pulled off the lid, revealing the dozen hand-made chocolates resting in a soft fabric nest. His face melted into a soft smile. Kakashi felt warmth spread through his body at Iruka's reaction, a strange sense of achievement filling him as he watched the chuunin taste one and close his eyes in obvious enjoyment. Yeah, it was a good move, he decided. Iruka was now sampling a second one, inspecting the lid and then replacing it in favour of checking the brown wrapping instead. Kakashi slipped from the tree, deciding to head home and leave Iruka with some privacy, no doubt wondering who had left the chocolates. He was a little unsure about that decision.

Kakashi hadn't left his name.


	4. Chapter Three: Katamimi

Ugh, I really hope I don't turn this into a crap fic...

Also, gonna replace a chapter or two before this. I noticed that my page breaks weren't working in them, and I like having breaks separate things from stuff =)

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I do not own the characters in this fanfic - just the storyline.

NB: shinrai [信頼] - reliance; trust; faith; confidence  
>katamimi [傍耳] - things overheard<p>

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><p><strong>Chapter Three: Katamimi<strong>

There was going to be an art to getting closer to Iruka – Kakashi realised that much. For a start, he couldn't leave anything in obvious places where others might find them, or see Iruka receiving them. He was sure the chuunin wouldn't appreciate teasing and interest as to who the gifts were from. No – he had to give Iruka the option to keep it completely secret. So far he'd only given him that one gift of chocolate, and was debating what to get him for a second. He could give him chocolates again, but that seemed too easy.

There was no rush to get Iruka anything, he decided. It had been just over a week since he had given his first gift, and for most of the time after that he had been on a mission. Handing his report in, he'd chatted as he normally did to the chuunin, enjoying the smile that passed over the younger man's face when Kakashi made a joke about himself. He couldn't remember what he'd said, and was sure it wasn't that good, but seeing Iruka smile made him smile in return… and then again afterwards when he thought back on it. Iruka was extremely responsive in conversations; smiling, blushing or getting irritated and snapping quite openly. Kakashi supposed that was one of the reasons he developed an attraction for the man. He seemed so open and expressive. Seemed. Kakashi frowned as he wondered how many of the people who counted Iruka as a friend realised that they knew nothing about the man.

_fjfjfjfjfjfjfj_

Naruto was always loud and over-the-top, and his meeting with Iruka at Ichiruka Ramen was the same. Kakashi stopped right where he was on the street, orange book in hand, when he heard the loud genin talking – or more like arguing – with someone. That someone could only be Iruka. Who else would be there with him? The white-haired man slunk into the alleyway and pretended to be reading, should anyone notice him.

"But Iruka-senseiiiii!" the blonde whined, "It'll be really coooool!"

He heard the chuunin sigh. "Naruto, I'm sorry, I can't. Can you not find anyone else to go with? How about Sakura?"

"But why not! And Sakura is dumb! She wouldn't enjoy it – even if she did agree to go with me."

Kakashi could almost hear him pout.

"Naruto, I just can't. Some people have to wait to get paid, you know. Anyway, why don't you ask her? Maybe she'll say yes."

He could still hear that pout.

"C'mon, Naruto. It's not that bad! I'm sure they'll come again."

"But Risuzaru Hinote _never_ tour!"

Iruka sighed again and used the fail-safe method of placating and distracting Naruto.

"More ramen?"

Risuzaru Hinote? The name rang a bell. Kakashi paused for a moment, trying to recall where he'd heard it before. Ah yes, that's what it was. So Naruto wanted to go and see the renowned daredevil performers. No surprises there. He'd heard they were good – they had to be if they were to impress an audience containing ninja. He supposed he'd end up going to see the performance with a few of his jounin friends. When was it anyway? Two weeks away? Kakashi began to consider the event, his mind drifting away from the conversation between Naruto and his sensei. It had turned back to some story Kakashi had already heard from the blonde about four times. He took that as his cue to leave.

_fjfjfjfjfjfjfj_

It turned out Naruto was right – Sakura didn't want to go anywhere with Naruto. She said she already had plans for that night – never mind the fact that Risuzaru Hinote were going to be in Konoha for three nights. Kakashi sighed from his vantage point in the tree, making a decision. Back-flipping out of the tree (just because he could, and his body was starting to almost itch with the lack of things to do), Kakashi ambled off slowly in the direction of the theatre.

_fjfjfjfjfjfjfj_

It had seemed like a good idea at the time – after all it was a treat for Naruto as well – but when Pakkun interrupted his training to report that Iruka had gotten the tickets and had looked confused, Kakashi doubts began to grow. He hadn't left a note explaining what they were for, which probably leave the chuunin wondering if whoever had bought the tickets was expecting to go with him. He hoped that, due to the lack of information as to who his… admirer?... was, Iruka would use the second ticket to treat Naruto. Also, if Naruto talked to Kakashi about the visiting performers and then Iruka questioned the blonde as to who he had talked to about the impeding event (which would probably amount to over half the village by the time the day was out, so the point was almost negligible), it was possible Iruka might trace it to Kakashi. He was going to have to avoid talking to that Uzumaki kid as much as possible.

Kakashi decided chocolates were a much safer option.

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><p>Oh, also, Risuzaru Hinote kinda means squirrel monkey flames. I envisage the act to be extremely daring and involving lots of fire, so it seemed like a good enough name to come up with.<p> 


	5. Chapter Four: Naikan

Thanks to those who have reviewed, subscribed, favourited and just read this. Taken a break from revision to update this (exam first thing tomorrow morning...). Hope you enjoy =)

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I do not own the characters in this fanfic - just the storyline.

NB: shinrai [信頼] - reliance; trust; faith; confidence  
>naikan [内観] - introspection<p>

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><p><strong>Chapter Four - Naikan<strong>

To his relief, it seemed Iruka had decided to use the tickets to treat Naruto. Unintentionally (Asuma was the one who picked the day for their little group to go see the performance) they were at the same show, and bumped into each other afterwards on the festival street that had sprung up around the theatre for the occasion. Kakashi felt so much lighter when he saw the pair in the crowd, Naruto with a flushed, excited look on his face talking animatedly about what they had just seen, and Iruka looking equally as pleased, nodding to encourage the excited youngster. Iruka looked up and saw the small group of jounin and waved, a box of fast-food in one hand. Naruto saw the group too and bounded over, immediately engaging Kakashi in a whirlwind of verbal description and excitement. Iruka politely greeted the others in the group, and joined in their conversation about the performance they had just seen, occasionally taking in a mouthful of his noodle-based food, and leaving Kakashi to be monopolised by the verbal torrent streaming from Naruto. Not that he really minded. It was obvious that both he and Iruka had enjoyed the show, and that was the whole point.

_fjfjfjfjfjfjfj_

Lying back on his bed and gazing up at the ceiling, Kakashi thought back to that meeting. Again, he wondered why nobody else seemed to realise how little they truly knew Iruka. You could guess quite easily that his favourite food was ramen, he seemed to like blues and greens and was okay with insects apart from moths. It was common knowledge that his parents had died in the Kyuubi attack years ago. He taught at the academy, worked at the mission room and sometimes went out on missions. But other than that, there was next to nothing you could learn about him. Maybe someone who had known him in his childhood – perhaps Anko – would know more about him, but Kakashi had no intention of asking. Doing something that obvious would be a stupid mistake to make.

Kakashi wondered who Iruka had to talk to. Certainly none of the people he socialised with. The white-haired nin had known Iruka long enough to evaluate all his relationships, and none of them seemed to involve Iruka confiding in or leaning on anyone. Like Kakashi, the chuunin visited the memorial, but not as frequently as Kakashi did. Maybe, like him, Iruka went there to share his thoughts and feelings with those he had lost. Actually, that was highly likely. But even then, Kakashi still turned to others now and then, even if rarely. And Iruka surely had a lot more to share than his occasional visits to the memorial allowed for him to address.

The jounin seemed to be drawing towards the conclusion that Iruka was content with things the way they were – or at least resigned to his lot in life. It seemed so lonely. Where others eventually opened themselves up and learnt to trust again, Iruka showed no desire to do so. Well, he supposed Iruka trusted people enough in the majority of the sense… Yet he didn't seem to be able to bring himself to trust people with anything deeper than his physical being. Kakashi wasn't exactly a shining beacon of how this aspect of life should be approached, but he did open himself up to others despite his past. Maybe what Iruka needed was time… But he'd had plenty of that, and Kakashi dismissed that notion. His mind turned back to something he'd considered before, and used that as a starting point.

Iruka was afraid.


	6. Chapter Five: Hien

Exam done, only two more to go! Yay!  
>Updates after this might be a little slower. They might not. I dunno. I'm playing it by ear =)<p>

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I do not own the characters in this fanfic - just the storyline.

NB: shinrai [信頼] - reliance; trust; faith; confidence  
>hien [飛燕] - swallow in flight<p>

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><p><strong>Chapter Five: Hien<strong>

Kakashi looked at the item in his hand once more before he placed it back into the bag and slipped over to Iruka's front door. Hanging the small paper bag on the doorknob, he paused a second, looking around, and then slunk back to his tree. No one was around, which was quite unusual for this time of day. It was only half an hour before the academy ended for the day, and there were usually one or two people walking down the street. Not that Kakashi was going to complain. Getting comfortable and taking out his infamous orange book, the jounin settled down to wait for Iruka to come home and find the gift.

About forty minutes later, Iruka appeared at his door. He hesitated a second before removing the packet from his door, and then undid the chakra seals and went inside. Kakashi frowned, a little disappointed that the chuunin hadn't at least peered inside. He waited a moment longer, and was rewarded by Iruka's appearance at his kitchen window. Obviously he had put the kettle on before turning his attention to the gift.

Kakashi had hoped it was an okay thing to give a grown man. He could easily see how something like that could be taken as childish, but when he'd seen it in one of the little stalls just off the main market, he'd been drawn towards it. Well, he'd had to choose between all the other carefully crafted items before he settled for this one. Iruka's look of amazement when he pulled out the suncatcher was worth it though, and Kakashi felt a strange warmth spread through his body again at the sight of Iruka now smiling and inspecting the gift.

While most of the other suncatchers at the stall had been coloured, this one was clear. At first Kakashi had thought that defeated the purpose, but then he had realised why it was clear – the decoration was made in such a way that it fragmented the light it caught, sending it dancing across nearby surfaces as rainbows. It was designed to hang free and move slightly, being made of several smaller pieces that hung free of each other. The larger pieces were in the shape of four swallows, which were surrounded by the smaller fragments that made up their sky. Iruka hung it in the window, watching it for several minutes. Kakashi watched Iruka as the chuunin gazed at the decoration, blowing on it a few times to make it move.

When Iruka finally made a move to make tea, Kakashi tore himself away, a smile on his lips

_fjfjfjfjfjfjfj  
><em>

It had barely been a week since the suncatcher gift, but Kakashi found himself yet again leaving something at Iruka's door for him to find on his way home. It was nearly dark, given that Kakashi had only bumped into the chuunin at the mission desk about an hour ago, and had been struck by how stressed the younger man looked. He had to leave on a mission, which would probably last a fortnight. Before he did, though, he had gone to buy Iruka some of the same hand-made chocolates he had given him before, only this time a bigger box of them, decorated in solid black punctuated by swirls of blue and green. He was lucky to catch the shop just as it was closing. Placing the neatly-wrapped box by the foot of the door, Kakashi paused a moment to regard the gift and then turned and leapt onto the rooftops, his mind returning to the mission at hand.


	7. Chapter Six: Kansou

Wow, it's been a while. My sincerest apologies! I've finished my exams, and managed to pass them all (yay!) and I even got a First Class Honours in one of them (super yay!).

It's 2am, and I've still got a million things to do, but I really wanted to sit down and get SOMETHING out at least. I hope you're not disappointed. This chapter is slightly longer, and is from Iruka's perspective. I thought it was time we saw things from his perspective. Next chapter will be up in a few days, and we'll be back with Kakashi. If you like getting Iruka's viewpoint too, please let me know so I can work that into the plan, or leave it out if you hate it.

Anyway, gotta shower and pack my bags. Oh, and do the dishes! Off to see a friend for a day or so. I really need to let my hair down (metaphorically speaking, that is. My hair is short... I miss my bellybutton-length hair!)

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I do not own the characters in this fanfic - just the storyline.

NB: shinrai [信頼] - reliance; trust; faith; confidence  
>kansou [感想] - impressions; thoughts<p>

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><p><strong>Chapter Six: Kansou<strong>

Iruka was exhausted. The day had been longer than it normal with unexpected disruptions to his lessons, one child falling ill, the teachers bi-weekly meeting and missing papers at the mission desk. Since about midday he'd been acting tetchily towards anyone around him, snapping at both kids and adult nin handing in reports alike, and now eight hours later he was looking forward to the comfort of his own home. _I bet I'll bloody spill the tea or burn the dinner_, he thought bitterly, grinding his teeth as he turned onto his street. He would need to sit down for a few minutes to try and dispel the mood – being agitated meant that even the smallest of things would enrage him when they didn't work.

Preparing the chakra to unlock his door at his fingertips, Iruka approached his door, and paused. There was another brown package waiting innocently against the door for him. He regarded it a moment, unsure how to feel. He could feel his bad mood dispelling slightly, and frowned at that. He stooped and picked it up anyway, reaching out with his senses to see if anyone was nearby. As before, there was no one. Unlocking his door and heading inside, Iruka kicked off his shoes and headed to his kitchen. His homecoming ritual hadn't changed in years. He set the box – he was sure he knew what the contents were – aside while he made himself tea, picking a mint infusion from his modest collection of different teas. That done, he picked up the brown package again and carried it along with his tea into the living room.

_fjfjfjfjfjfjfj_

The chocolates were good. Almost better than before. Iruka bit into one, coming apart a little as the soft, smooth almond centre spread over his tongue and the rich dark chocolate began to melt. He really wished he knew where these chocolates had been all his life.

Leaning back in the soft armchair and drawing his feet up, Iruka turned to his book, glad of having no marking to do. He paused. _Just one more… _He reached out and carefully selected a chocolate, delighting in the process. He chose a round-looking one, decorated in a fine frosting of chocolate shavings, and tried to guess what flavour it might be. Putting it in his mouth, he let the heat melt the chocolate shell, turning back to his book. A paragraph later, his eyes widened in surprise and then closed again in delight. Lemon mousse. Right at that moment, he wanted to marry whoever had given him the gift.

He had wondered about who it might have been. There were a few people that came to mind as possibilities, but Iruka had quickly written them off. He had wondered if it was a prank to start with, but if that was the case it had been a prank that had a very personal, considerate touch to it – and who pranks someone by giving them harmless, extremely delicious chocolates in a beautiful, refined box anyway? Besides, nothing had happened after that. Anyway, the people he knew who might have developed a romantic interest in him weren't the kind to do things anonymously. There were more likely to be direct about it and actually hand him the chocolates, or at least approach him afterwards. When nothing had happened after a week, Iruka gave it a moment of final consideration, then shrugged the whole thing off and put it to the back of his mind.

And then there were the tickets.

He wasn't quite sure what to make of that. It seemed like a somewhat unusual gift, given that the chocolates hinted at a more romantic theme to the whole situation. Iruka assumed it was the same person, and the lack of name indicated towards the same conclusion. He began to try and think who he might have talked to about the visiting performers, which turned out to be a lot of people. The gift made him uneasy, as had the chocolates, but for a different reason. As enjoyable as they were, the chocolates indicated that someone was interested in him. As an individual. The thought somewhat scared the chuunin, and set his mind on edge whenever he dwelt on the subject. He didn't want to be dragged out of his little niche. He was quite content with his place in the village's workings, and didn't want that to change. With the tickets, however, he began to worry – what if they expected to go with him? But Iruka quickly dismissed that idea. If someone wanted to go with him, surely they'd ask him in person or leave a name, right? He decided that the tickets were a fairly innocuous gift which would allow him to enjoy a show he'd otherwise have been unable to afford to attend, and he could treat Naruto too.

Next, he had returned home one afternoon to find a small bag over his doorhandle. As before there was no one around, and when he went inside and opened the gift, there was no name. It was, in a word, beautiful. He hadn't seen anything quite like it before, and liked the uniqueness. He was also relieved that whoever it was that had given it to him, they had decided not to go for the clichéd dolphins. Swallows seemed fitting, and whenever he went into his kitchen now his eye was drawn to their shape. Not only did he find them almost meditative to watch – especially when he opened his window slightly and they were caught in a gentle breeze – they made Iruka relax about the whole situation. At first he had been uncomfortable with the idea of someone wanting to pursue him romantically, but they had kept their distance. There was no name, no requests or demands for his time, no embarrassing shows of public declaration, and he was sure most people would have done something like that by now. He guessed it wasn't such a terrible thing if someone was interested in him anyway – they were keeping their distance.

And today with the chocolates welcoming him home after a stressful day... He wasn't sure if that was by design or not, but didn't read into it. He was just happy for the coincidence. Again, no name. It seemed whoever it was, they were respectful of his space and in no rush. Upon seeing the brown box waiting for him, Iruka had felt his spirits lift, which had immediately alarmed him. It reminded him that someone somewhere probably wanted to draw him out as an individual, and he didn't think he could do that. He had briefly wondered if he _wanted_ to do that. He didn't even want to think about the possibility of opening up to another person…

As he opened his door, Iruka pushed those thoughts aside, and decided he wouldn't worry about them until he had to. No one was pressuring him into something he didn't want, and he was glad for that.

Kicking off his shoes, he headed into the kitchen. His homecoming ritual hadn't changed in years…


End file.
